What To Teach Kids About Unanswered Prayer

Jesus PrayingMy son Nathan wasn’t feeling well recently so we all prayed together for him to feel better. The next night at prayer time, Kenna pointed out that we prayed for him already but he wasn’t feeling better. She had a look of simultaneous confusion and disappointment on her face.  In a total of about 3 seconds I had the thought that this is the beginning of a lifetime of seeking to understand why God does or does not answer certain prayers AND replied, “We’ll keep praying and trust God that Nathan will feel better.”
 
I felt a giant theological error well up in my throat. How often we casually imply or even consciously think that if we just “trust God” for a specific prayer outcome, He will answer the way we want!
 
“Everything will be OK! Just trust in God!”
 
Yes, everything will be OK . . . perfect actually . . . when Christ returns and God is glorified in His kingdom for eternity. In the meantime this life is a mess. We are sinful people with free choices, surrounded by other sinful people with free choices. There is illness, there is death. There are natural disasters. Christians live in this fallen world and are affected by its consequences as much as non-believers.
 
Yet, we are to pray. We are to ask God for our hearts’ desires in the midst of all this. If every Christian’s prayer for a specific (positive) outcome was answered, however, we would effectively be in control of the world through God.  Thank God that prayer doesn’t work that way!  It’s actually a little scary to think of millions of people (even if they are Christians) controlling God like a puppet through prayer strings. I would much rather God be in control, in His infinite wisdom and perspective.
 
The dynamics of prayer are really not unlike our children making requests to us . . . we encourage their requests, consider their requests, and want them to continue making requests, but may not grant them what they want depending on how it would impact themselves, us or others  . . .  just like God relates with us through prayer.
 
Jesus powerfully demonstrated this himself when he prayed in Mark 14:36: “Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” God CAN do anything but his specific answers to prayer are based on how our requests align with His will.
 
If we come to believe that God can or should be trusted for specific outcomes, our relationship with Him will be as variable as the ups and downs of life; a good outcome equals happiness with God, a negative outcome equals disappointment or anger with God. This is not what our relationship should look like, yet it is very common.
 
To put this in a simple framework for my kids, I’ve boiled it down to these 5 key concepts that I emphasize at home.
 

  1. God wants us to continuously pray. (e.g., Philippians 4:6-7; Ephesians 6:18)
  2.  

  3. God hears our prayers. (Implied in the fact he wants us to pray, plus Psalm 34:15)
  4.  

  5. We can and should pray for our hearts’ desires. (e.g., Matthew 21:22; Matthew 7:7-11; John 14:13-14)
  6.  

  7. God CAN answer our prayers for specific outcomes, but may not, depending on His will. (e.g., Matthew 6:10; Matthew 26:42; Mark 14:36)
  8.  

  9. God works all things together for good. This statement, from Romans 8:28, can easily be taken out of context. Paul is not saying that God works all things together for OUR good (at least as we would commonly perceive “good” in this life). He follows in verses 28 and 29 by explaining that the good he is referencing is God’s overall plan for the world leading to His final glorification.

 
Here is is how I apply these truths for my (young) children:
 
“We just prayed for (fill in the blank). Do we know God WANTS us to pray? (yes) Do we know God hears ALL of our prayers? (yes) Do we know that God CAN answer any prayer he chooses? (yes) Does God answer EVERY prayer the way we ask? (no) What is important is that we always pray because God wants us to, but we have to remember that only God can decide how he is going to answer our prayers.”
 
In this way I hope to teach them that we should not limit or censor our prayers, but at the same time we need to respect and trust in God’s infinite wisdom . . . not our own.

8 Comments

  1. Bev on January 19, 2012 at 4:17 PM

    I had a really good opportunity to teach my girls this last year. Our cat, Diego, went missing. We prayed for him to come home again, but he never came back. Before we prayed, though, I told them that we could ask for God to bring Diego back to us, but he never came home. I found out later that a renter in one of the houses on our block was bragging how he was trapping neighborhood cats and hauling them off to the pound. Grrr.

    I even used this as a lesson to them, though. I told them what probably happened to Diego, and said that we have to trust that God found him a home with a family who really needed him. And if he ever needs us again, God will bring him back. 🙁



    • Natasha @ Christian Mom Thoughts on January 30, 2012 at 10:59 PM

      Bev, That’s a great example. Some things are so hard to explain to kids – we spend so much time to encourage the development of their faith and they are so quick to embrace God’s truth, but then these disappointments are inevitable and plentiful. I think we just have to take heart in knowing that when we spend the time to frame the right perspective on unanswered prayer early in their lives, we are giving them a much stronger faith foundation for the future (as hard as it is in the moment).



  2. Staci Levan on January 24, 2012 at 2:40 PM

    I struggle with this as well. My son is 5 & was sick a while back. We prayed and prayed each night for him to be healed, but it just didn’t happen. He was ill for over a week & my son just couldn’t understand why God would let him still be sick? Unfortunately I didn’t have a good answer except for telling him that God’s will isn’t always our own.



    • Natasha @ Christian Mom Thoughts on January 30, 2012 at 11:06 PM

      Staci, Thank you for sharing. We don’t always have to have “good” answers at the time – sometimes when I feel like I didn’t have the best answer to something, I find a way to bring it up again later to give the BETTER answer. So there is always an opportunity for a teachable moment, even if we feel we missed it the first time!



  3. Janet on January 30, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    Prayer is a beautiful gift. When we are trying our best to be Christ like our prayerful requests are more in keeping with His will for us. As I’ve gotten older and more experienced with life I realize my prayers have been answered. I was not always in tune with the Spirit. Sometimes we don’t understand how our prayer was answered. In your example if you had not prayed perhaps Nathan would have become more sickly. With prayer he and his family were comforted. I love your comments.



    • Natasha @ Christian Mom Thoughts on January 30, 2012 at 11:09 PM

      Thanks Janet – I have had that experience as well (not understanding how our prayers have been answered until later). Sometimes “unanswered prayers” are actually “answered prayers” waiting for us to realize it!



  4. Shana Alexander on December 19, 2014 at 3:54 AM

    Thank you for this. Very similar to your experience, my sick with the flu daughter came to me and said, “Mom, I have been praying to feel better and I’m not”. I had a similar answer to you, “Let’s keep praying and trust God will heal you in His time”. I knew this was an opportunity to build into her so thank you for this!



  5. Jennifer on February 6, 2018 at 9:59 PM

    My 13 year old son recently stopped believing in God. He won’t pray because he says, “Why? It won’t work.” He said if there was a god he wouldn’t let him suffer the way he does. He is completely shut down about God. I don’t know how to help him believe when he doesn’t want to.